Viktor might have looked away, but Jayce's eyes were fixed on his partner—former? partner—like a man possessed. Jayce felt it. Possessed. Not necessarily in a bad way, more like in the way he used to be with the things he loved; hyper-focused, the rest of the world falling away to nothing. This was the way he was when their lives were simpler, long nights in the lab, pouring over their work until the sunrise bathed the room in a warm glow that chased away some of the aches and pains of sitting up for hours, tinkering. Jayce missed the sounds of Viktor puzzling away at something, his steady, comforting presence quieting all the doubts in Jayce's head. These last few months... year? Doubts were all Jayce had.
"It looks fine," Jayce offered, picking up a fork to smooth out the slice left by the card. "I won't tell if you don't." Warm and doft, Jayce's voice sounded the most like it used to then, the harshness bled out of it, replaced by concern and a little awe. Knowing what he knew now, that the mage he'd spent his whole childhood obsessed with was Viktor, he found that casual display of magic even prettier because it came from someone he loved. "Consuming what?" Jayce absently rolled the candy, now nearly gone, around on his tongue. "I only had that one thing. I don't think it had a sign."
Nevertheless, his cheeks burned.
"I'm sorry, too, V. For everything. For not being there for you, for... being selfish." That covered a few sins, but the apology still didn't feel like enough. He could have wallowed in that, but Viktor's admission finally settled into place in his head, the words tangling up in his ribs until he could barely suck in air. "You were looking for me?" Jayce didn't know if he wanted to latch onto that or to the fact that Viktor had given up, so he waffled between both.
Quirking a brow, Jayce wrapped his fingers around that staff and stepped closer. "What did you mean to say then?"
A stab of regret sliced through him. He'd carried this sensation since he left their lab, and Viktor felt it again now, pressing further between his ribs, making a home within his chest. There was no denying that he craved Jayce's attention. He'd fought and clawed to keep it, and when he left everything behind, Viktor realized just how much he'd relied on his former partner's approval. How desperate he'd been to stand in that sunlight for just a fleeting moment, greedy for recognition from the one person he actually wanted to impress.
So when Viktor felt the beginnings of that again now, the warmth creeping over him as though a spring thaw after a long winter, he contemplated giving in. Perhaps he already had, and he was just deluding himself.
Viktor curled his fingers around the handle of his staff to keep from reaching out, contenting himself with a small noise of amusement as he continued gazing at the man in front of him. "I know," he returned softly, because he did. He knew Jayce had regrets. He could see it in the dark circles under his eyes, the harsh lines across his face, the desperate way he seemed to cling to the knowledge that Viktor regretted, too. "Of course I was," he replied, voice a little sharper now, brow knit. "I'd hoped to entice you to leave with me, if such a thing were possible." Foolhardy, maybe, but Jayce would understand the impulse.
The warning voice in his head was growing quieter. "That you look confident," Viktor murmured, voice a little rasping. "And comfortable."
Both of them craved that familiar warmth. Jayce had lived to see the look of pride on Viktor's face, the way he would smile at him when Jayce managed to finally wrangle the math into submission. It had kept him going, motivated him to pick himself up when it would have been so much easier to stay crumpled on the floor. All of his achievements, his accomplishments, meant nothing when Viktor wasn't there to share in them, and Jayce had felt the bleeding, aching hole left behind when Viktor severed their... whatever it was they had. Their partnership. Their friendship. The affection that had tied them together.
Jayce had wondered how it had been so easy for Viktor to do that when Jayce couldn't excise even a little of it, even to ease the way it hurt knowing it was all over. But seeing him here, now, Jayce thought maybe it hadn't been such a painless thing, that maybe Viktor clung to their history just as much as Jayce did.
And then they were talking about regrets. There was no way to go back and undo everything that happened, Jayce knew that, but maybe they could try to move forward anyway.
"I would have," Jayce replied, the words rushing out of him as if a dam had broken. They weren't untrue, not even a little, but he was flustered by how adamantly, how quickly, he'd said them. It looked eager and pathetic, but he couldn't stop himself. "Back in the lab, when you'd... left," a pause, just long enough for him to swallow around the lump in his throat, more of that red-hot spice tingling all the way down. "Viktor, I would have gone with you then if you asked."
Flushing a brighter shade of red, Jayce just studied Viktor for a moment, trying to get his bearings. "I don't feel it," he admitted with a laugh, taking one more step forward. "You... you look good, V. Great." Jayce was stumbling through his words, heart in his throat. "Really good."
Viktor didn't miss the way Jayce phrased that admission, however rushed it was. He would have gone with him. It was a possibility that had passed, a window of opportunity that was no longer open. Still, Viktor wasn't the type to make sweeping assumptions. He wanted to hear the truth from Jayce and Jayce alone, not the distorted reality from his own mind, voices whispering that he was better off letting this go. As if Viktor had ever given up before. So when he asked, "And now?", he was pleased his voice sounded even, though his eyes told a very different story. There was hope there, and months of pain and loneliness. He'd never been good at hiding his emotions.
Surprised by that blush creeping over Jayce's nose, Viktor continued to stare, briefly wondering if he was imagining all of this. Then his former partner stepped into his space, and he pressed a hand to that broad chest, stopping him. "You should know," Viktor faltered, uncertain how to explain. He looked frustrated by it, struggling for a moment to find the words. "I can ... see memories sometimes, when I am touched." The image of Singed taking his hand reared up in his mind, unbidden, and Viktor had to push it forcibly out again.
Looking up at Jayce with a frown, he kept his hand where it was a moment longer before dropping it, fingers flexing against his staff. "I haven't found a way to stop it yet. Other than the obvious." It wasn't like he needed to touch people in order to heal them. That said nothing of how desperately he craved it, but Viktor was skilled at lying to himself.
"If you asked, V," Jayce began, his voice sure and gentle, gaze fixed on those iridescent eyes. "I would still go with you." It had been hard to fight that urge, the desire to just leave everything behind for him. Jayce had always hoped that maybe, at the end of all this, if he did everything right for once, they could elope somewhere where none of this could reach them anymore. All of Jayce's dreams, now, were clear: they revolved around Viktor. Maybe they always did and he'd just obscured that, couched it in their work together, their research, but his visions of the future had always included Viktor. Right from the very start.
Jayce wasn't sure he wanted to know a future without him. Everything he'd done, even the horrible things that haunted him, the blood on his hands, was for him. It was always for Viktor. And maybe that was selfish, Jayce putting his partner before the rest of the entire world, before every timeline, but he did. He always would.
Pausing, Jayce hesitated, caught between the dual instincts of wanting to push past that warning and to heed it. "I don't care," slipped out of him, not the words he would have wanted but true all the same. "If it doesn't hurt you, Viktor, gods, I... don't care." In that moment of truth, that hinge point, Jayce moved closer instead of away, bringing his hand up almost to touch him, hovering just by his neck, waiting for consent. "There's nothing up there I don't want you to see."
Viktor's fingers briefly tightened around his staff. "I'm asking, Jayce," he murmured, voice rasping, pitching slightly lower. He searched his former — his partner's eyes — finding all the same emotions swirling in those depths. For the first time in what felt like ages, they were on the same page. It felt like finally finding his footing after so long wandering aimlessly, lost and confused. This was his home. This was his purpose.
Maybe it was needless, but Viktor wanted the sentiment spoken. "Stay with me," he said, an offer, a question, a plea all wrapped up in three words. "Now, and always." Because this was about so much more than this moment. It transcended every promise they'd ever made to each other, binding them together with a certainty that couldn't be so easily broken. This wasn't a simple promise. This was a vow.
This time, when Jayce reached for him, Viktor beat him to it. His hand slid up his partner's chest eagerly, resting along his neck to relish the flutter of his heartbeat. "I've missed you," he rasped, tears in his eyes. Urging Jayce to dip his head, he pressed their foreheads together, a sign of deep affection in Zaun. Thankfully, when he initiated the touch, no memories reached for him with grasping fingers. But Viktor wasn't thinking about that right now. All his thoughts were occupied with the sound of Jayce's soft breathing, his familiar smell filling his senses.
Mirroring, Jayce's fingers flexed where they were wrapped around Viktor's staff, weight shifting slightly, just a little less space between them. "Viktor," rushed out of him in a sigh, Jayce's heart fluttering and rioting against its cage of bone as if it could escape. Jayce knew where it would go if it could; the only place it had ever felt safe. "Yes," he breathed. "I'll go with you." It was desperate, and soft, and shaky, but this was everything he had ever wanted, and the words tumbled out of him, eager to be heard.
"I will," Jayce replied, inching closer, feeling the tug of the Arcane, a pull at his very core. It had always been there, that instinctive draw to Viktor, this need to be near him, but Jayce finally understood, or maybe could finally see the tied that bound them together, inseparable. Two halves of a whole. "Forever." Jayce didn't care what the world might think of him; this was where he belonged. "Promise me you'll stay too, V."
With a soft sigh, Jayce pressed his palm to the column of Viktor's throat, felt that charge of warmth, not the way his partner used to feel, but they'd both changed and Jayce loved him like this just as much as he ever did. "I'm missed you, too," he echoed, willingly letting Viktor draw him in, down, until their foreheads were pressed together. "So much." There was more there, but Jayce wanted to wait. He wanted to just be here for a little while, just like this.
Viktor didn't realize he'd been bracing himself until Jayce gave his answer, and suddenly, like strings being clipped, his shoulders sagged. Exhaling hard, he felt all the fear and uncertainty leave him in a rush. This was more than he ever thought they could have. There always seemed to be an obstacle firmly blocking their way, like a device that needed emergency upgrades or yet another investor that demanded Jayce's attention. Finally, finally, he felt like he was being seen by his partner again, and Viktor wanted to cling to him with both hands and never let him go.
"I promise," he said immediately, and he meant it. Viktor wasn't sorry he left in the first place — he'd needed it, confused and frightened as he'd been. But not being able to find Jayce after had been the worst part. There was so much he wanted to tell him, so much he still hadn't figured out about himself. Maybe part of him hadn't wanted to explore too much because Jayce wasn't there to do it with him.
Drawing back a little bit, Viktor smiled up at his partner in a completely unguarded way, something he hadn't done in a long time. "We have almost too much to discuss," he teased, an amused glint in his gaze. They'd always been very chatty. "But I am looking forward to it."
Jayce sighed softly, his own body language collapsing in on itself with relief, open and vulnerable. After everything that had happened between them, the severed ties, the betrayal, the pain, the broken trust, Jayce had feared they could never get back to this, to the way they used to be. They had been a pair, inseparable, in sync with each other. Jayce always knew what Viktor was thinking, and Viktor could read him like a book, but somewhere along the way, Jayce had started drifting, stumbling, pulled in so many directions, and their wavelengths started to oscillate, shift, until they didn't match up. In spite of his lofty hopes, his desperate attempts to protect their dream, his panicked desire to save his partner, Jayce had systematically lost all of it, watched it all slip through his fingers.
Here, he prayed this could be a second chance, a way for him to make up for everything, and selfishly, he just wanted to have his partner back, to hold him and never, ever, let him go. Jayce was willing to give everything up just for the chance to have this again.
At that promise, he exhaled shakily and closed his eyes, determined to just be in this moment, to feel the press of their foreheads, the thrum of the Arcane against his palm as he pressed his hand to Viktor's neck. Jayce fought the urge to chase after Viktor when he pulled away, swallowing around his heart, lodged firmly in his throat.
"I don't even know where to start," Jayce replied, chuckling softly, though he felt the weight of all the things that happened since they had parted, even those that did when they were still orbiting each other, press down on him. "There's so much I want to tell you. So much I want to hear." Pressing in again, he slid his fingers into Viktor's hair. "I can't wait."
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"It looks fine," Jayce offered, picking up a fork to smooth out the slice left by the card. "I won't tell if you don't." Warm and doft, Jayce's voice sounded the most like it used to then, the harshness bled out of it, replaced by concern and a little awe. Knowing what he knew now, that the mage he'd spent his whole childhood obsessed with was Viktor, he found that casual display of magic even prettier because it came from someone he loved. "Consuming what?" Jayce absently rolled the candy, now nearly gone, around on his tongue. "I only had that one thing. I don't think it had a sign."
Nevertheless, his cheeks burned.
"I'm sorry, too, V. For everything. For not being there for you, for... being selfish." That covered a few sins, but the apology still didn't feel like enough. He could have wallowed in that, but Viktor's admission finally settled into place in his head, the words tangling up in his ribs until he could barely suck in air. "You were looking for me?" Jayce didn't know if he wanted to latch onto that or to the fact that Viktor had given up, so he waffled between both.
Quirking a brow, Jayce wrapped his fingers around that staff and stepped closer. "What did you mean to say then?"
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So when Viktor felt the beginnings of that again now, the warmth creeping over him as though a spring thaw after a long winter, he contemplated giving in. Perhaps he already had, and he was just deluding himself.
Viktor curled his fingers around the handle of his staff to keep from reaching out, contenting himself with a small noise of amusement as he continued gazing at the man in front of him. "I know," he returned softly, because he did. He knew Jayce had regrets. He could see it in the dark circles under his eyes, the harsh lines across his face, the desperate way he seemed to cling to the knowledge that Viktor regretted, too. "Of course I was," he replied, voice a little sharper now, brow knit. "I'd hoped to entice you to leave with me, if such a thing were possible." Foolhardy, maybe, but Jayce would understand the impulse.
The warning voice in his head was growing quieter. "That you look confident," Viktor murmured, voice a little rasping. "And comfortable."
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Jayce had wondered how it had been so easy for Viktor to do that when Jayce couldn't excise even a little of it, even to ease the way it hurt knowing it was all over. But seeing him here, now, Jayce thought maybe it hadn't been such a painless thing, that maybe Viktor clung to their history just as much as Jayce did.
And then they were talking about regrets. There was no way to go back and undo everything that happened, Jayce knew that, but maybe they could try to move forward anyway.
"I would have," Jayce replied, the words rushing out of him as if a dam had broken. They weren't untrue, not even a little, but he was flustered by how adamantly, how quickly, he'd said them. It looked eager and pathetic, but he couldn't stop himself. "Back in the lab, when you'd... left," a pause, just long enough for him to swallow around the lump in his throat, more of that red-hot spice tingling all the way down. "Viktor, I would have gone with you then if you asked."
Flushing a brighter shade of red, Jayce just studied Viktor for a moment, trying to get his bearings. "I don't feel it," he admitted with a laugh, taking one more step forward. "You... you look good, V. Great." Jayce was stumbling through his words, heart in his throat. "Really good."
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Surprised by that blush creeping over Jayce's nose, Viktor continued to stare, briefly wondering if he was imagining all of this. Then his former partner stepped into his space, and he pressed a hand to that broad chest, stopping him. "You should know," Viktor faltered, uncertain how to explain. He looked frustrated by it, struggling for a moment to find the words. "I can ... see memories sometimes, when I am touched." The image of Singed taking his hand reared up in his mind, unbidden, and Viktor had to push it forcibly out again.
Looking up at Jayce with a frown, he kept his hand where it was a moment longer before dropping it, fingers flexing against his staff. "I haven't found a way to stop it yet. Other than the obvious." It wasn't like he needed to touch people in order to heal them. That said nothing of how desperately he craved it, but Viktor was skilled at lying to himself.
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Jayce wasn't sure he wanted to know a future without him. Everything he'd done, even the horrible things that haunted him, the blood on his hands, was for him. It was always for Viktor. And maybe that was selfish, Jayce putting his partner before the rest of the entire world, before every timeline, but he did. He always would.
Pausing, Jayce hesitated, caught between the dual instincts of wanting to push past that warning and to heed it. "I don't care," slipped out of him, not the words he would have wanted but true all the same. "If it doesn't hurt you, Viktor, gods, I... don't care." In that moment of truth, that hinge point, Jayce moved closer instead of away, bringing his hand up almost to touch him, hovering just by his neck, waiting for consent. "There's nothing up there I don't want you to see."
no subject
Maybe it was needless, but Viktor wanted the sentiment spoken. "Stay with me," he said, an offer, a question, a plea all wrapped up in three words. "Now, and always." Because this was about so much more than this moment. It transcended every promise they'd ever made to each other, binding them together with a certainty that couldn't be so easily broken. This wasn't a simple promise. This was a vow.
This time, when Jayce reached for him, Viktor beat him to it. His hand slid up his partner's chest eagerly, resting along his neck to relish the flutter of his heartbeat. "I've missed you," he rasped, tears in his eyes. Urging Jayce to dip his head, he pressed their foreheads together, a sign of deep affection in Zaun. Thankfully, when he initiated the touch, no memories reached for him with grasping fingers. But Viktor wasn't thinking about that right now. All his thoughts were occupied with the sound of Jayce's soft breathing, his familiar smell filling his senses.
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"I will," Jayce replied, inching closer, feeling the tug of the Arcane, a pull at his very core. It had always been there, that instinctive draw to Viktor, this need to be near him, but Jayce finally understood, or maybe could finally see the tied that bound them together, inseparable. Two halves of a whole. "Forever." Jayce didn't care what the world might think of him; this was where he belonged. "Promise me you'll stay too, V."
With a soft sigh, Jayce pressed his palm to the column of Viktor's throat, felt that charge of warmth, not the way his partner used to feel, but they'd both changed and Jayce loved him like this just as much as he ever did. "I'm missed you, too," he echoed, willingly letting Viktor draw him in, down, until their foreheads were pressed together. "So much." There was more there, but Jayce wanted to wait. He wanted to just be here for a little while, just like this.
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"I promise," he said immediately, and he meant it. Viktor wasn't sorry he left in the first place — he'd needed it, confused and frightened as he'd been. But not being able to find Jayce after had been the worst part. There was so much he wanted to tell him, so much he still hadn't figured out about himself. Maybe part of him hadn't wanted to explore too much because Jayce wasn't there to do it with him.
Drawing back a little bit, Viktor smiled up at his partner in a completely unguarded way, something he hadn't done in a long time. "We have almost too much to discuss," he teased, an amused glint in his gaze. They'd always been very chatty. "But I am looking forward to it."
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Here, he prayed this could be a second chance, a way for him to make up for everything, and selfishly, he just wanted to have his partner back, to hold him and never, ever, let him go. Jayce was willing to give everything up just for the chance to have this again.
At that promise, he exhaled shakily and closed his eyes, determined to just be in this moment, to feel the press of their foreheads, the thrum of the Arcane against his palm as he pressed his hand to Viktor's neck. Jayce fought the urge to chase after Viktor when he pulled away, swallowing around his heart, lodged firmly in his throat.
"I don't even know where to start," Jayce replied, chuckling softly, though he felt the weight of all the things that happened since they had parted, even those that did when they were still orbiting each other, press down on him. "There's so much I want to tell you. So much I want to hear." Pressing in again, he slid his fingers into Viktor's hair. "I can't wait."