Maybe in bits and pieces. And in person. This feels cold.
[She didn't expect an apology because she didn't need one. He was there, he'd seen her mother, he'd done what he thought was right in effort to save Viktor.
Jayce's attempts to comfort her would have probably made her weep, and she had to remain strong for her father. A brave face. She'd done a fairly good job of it in the beginning, and that's when the most eyes were upon her.]
Jayce, you needn't apologize to me. Not for that. I'm just glad that you didn't get hurt, too.
Then you take that up with Viktor. Speaking to him, he named us both. So you and I will both handle whatever problems we encounter regarding him. Together. Will you make that promise to me?
That sound good to me, Cait. Next time we see each other, we can talk about it.
[ That day was hard. Jayce remembers too much of it, remembers turning Cassandra's body over and trying to find a pulse. It's too much to fit inside his head. And the apology is just too little, but he doesn't know what else to do. He made a choice that day and he still stands by it. ]
Maybe, but I wasn't there for you, and I do regret that, Cait. But yeah, it was nothing I couldn't walk off. [ Jayce swallows what he wants to say, that he should have died that day, that sometimes he wonders if it would have been better if he had. It's not helpful. ]
I'll talk to him about it. I wish he'd said something to me before asking that of you, but yes. I can promise you that. We'll tackle whatever happens together.
[The great thing about text is that she can hastily wipe away a stay tear that's escaped her eye and no one will ever know. She misses her mother still, and it's even worse knowing she'd disapprove of what she'd done in her grief. Things she's glad Jayce missed.]
You can regret it all you want. You're forgiven. I wasn't alone and you made sure Viktor wasn't, either. You were needed more there.
Even if he hadn't said it, we'd still have this same conversation.
We're stuck in this mess together. You won't be alone. I promise.
I know you are, Cait. It's just [ Jayce takes a long time to find the right word to say and the one he picks, isn't strong enough but it's what he settles on. ] hard. I don't want to believe it.
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[She didn't expect an apology because she didn't need one. He was there, he'd seen her mother, he'd done what he thought was right in effort to save Viktor.
Jayce's attempts to comfort her would have probably made her weep, and she had to remain strong for her father. A brave face. She'd done a fairly good job of it in the beginning, and that's when the most eyes were upon her.]
Jayce, you needn't apologize to me. Not for that. I'm just glad that you didn't get hurt, too.
Then you take that up with Viktor. Speaking to him, he named us both. So you and I will both handle whatever problems we encounter regarding him. Together. Will you make that promise to me?
cw: death, suicidal ideation
[ That day was hard. Jayce remembers too much of it, remembers turning Cassandra's body over and trying to find a pulse. It's too much to fit inside his head. And the apology is just too little, but he doesn't know what else to do. He made a choice that day and he still stands by it. ]
Maybe, but I wasn't there for you, and I do regret that, Cait. But yeah, it was nothing I couldn't walk off. [ Jayce swallows what he wants to say, that he should have died that day, that sometimes he wonders if it would have been better if he had. It's not helpful. ]
I'll talk to him about it. I wish he'd said something to me before asking that of you, but yes. I can promise you that. We'll tackle whatever happens together.
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You can regret it all you want. You're forgiven. I wasn't alone and you made sure Viktor wasn't, either. You were needed more there.
Even if he hadn't said it, we'd still have this same conversation.
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I don'tI won't argue with you on that then. I'm glad you weren't alone, Cait.Fair enough. Yeah. Maybe I just wish we didn't have to have it at all.
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I know. I'm sorry, Jayce. I'm on your side.
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I know you are, Cait. It's just [ Jayce takes a long time to find the right word to say and the one he picks, isn't strong enough but it's what he settles on. ] hard. I don't want to believe it.
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It's not your fault. What happened to Viktor, and how he is now, and what's happened at home.
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It is. All of it is.
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[So there.]
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[And, you know, her mother.]
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Don't blame yourself for choosing not to do it.
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