Everything happened so fast. You and I didn't have a moment of privacy, and to be frank, the look in your eyes was enough. You needn't give me the details unless you think it important I have them, Jayce.
[And yet Viktor returned, perhaps more dangerous than before. Viktor, his partner and friend. How did it come to this?]
I know. [ Sometimes, he forgets how long he was gone, how quickly things fell apart once he got back. It's difficult to process. Truthfully, he... doesn't want to. ] I don't know if any of it is, but if you want to know anything, I can try to answer.
He's not a threat. [ That's a lie, even if he wishes it wasn't. But he trusts Viktor. ] I'll handle it. If it comes to that.
I'd like to know everything, if I'm to be honest, but I imagine we'd be here for some time.
[That, and it's probably not the most sunny of conversations. She knows this one is already difficult. She doesn't mean to hurt him, but they have to be in agreement in case things go south--and to be fair, that's just about the only direction things have gone lately.]
I don't wish to harm Viktor. He was a victim of that terrible day, just like mother.
You just told me you can't do it, Jayce. That's alright. Should the worst happen, whatever that looks like, I'll take point.
Everything? [ Jayce braces himself at that. ] Maybe just ask, and I'll answer. I wouldn't know where to start and end up talking for hours and not say anything helpful. Or I'd lock up. [ Nervous habit. ]
I know. [ He doesn't want to think about that day. ] I never really got to say that I was sorry, Cait. I know it's too late but I'm sorry. For what happened, and not being there for you after. [ He hadn't been able to force himself to leave Viktor, spent all his time just watching, waiting, to see if he would be okay. ]
I can't, but ifhe but I have to. I promised, Cait.
Maybe in bits and pieces. And in person. This feels cold.
[She didn't expect an apology because she didn't need one. He was there, he'd seen her mother, he'd done what he thought was right in effort to save Viktor.
Jayce's attempts to comfort her would have probably made her weep, and she had to remain strong for her father. A brave face. She'd done a fairly good job of it in the beginning, and that's when the most eyes were upon her.]
Jayce, you needn't apologize to me. Not for that. I'm just glad that you didn't get hurt, too.
Then you take that up with Viktor. Speaking to him, he named us both. So you and I will both handle whatever problems we encounter regarding him. Together. Will you make that promise to me?
That sound good to me, Cait. Next time we see each other, we can talk about it.
[ That day was hard. Jayce remembers too much of it, remembers turning Cassandra's body over and trying to find a pulse. It's too much to fit inside his head. And the apology is just too little, but he doesn't know what else to do. He made a choice that day and he still stands by it. ]
Maybe, but I wasn't there for you, and I do regret that, Cait. But yeah, it was nothing I couldn't walk off. [ Jayce swallows what he wants to say, that he should have died that day, that sometimes he wonders if it would have been better if he had. It's not helpful. ]
I'll talk to him about it. I wish he'd said something to me before asking that of you, but yes. I can promise you that. We'll tackle whatever happens together.
[The great thing about text is that she can hastily wipe away a stay tear that's escaped her eye and no one will ever know. She misses her mother still, and it's even worse knowing she'd disapprove of what she'd done in her grief. Things she's glad Jayce missed.]
You can regret it all you want. You're forgiven. I wasn't alone and you made sure Viktor wasn't, either. You were needed more there.
Even if he hadn't said it, we'd still have this same conversation.
We're stuck in this mess together. You won't be alone. I promise.
I know you are, Cait. It's just [ Jayce takes a long time to find the right word to say and the one he picks, isn't strong enough but it's what he settles on. ] hard. I don't want to believe it.
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[He knew Viktor best, after all.]
I believe Viktor himself means no harm. I just don't know what he is, now.
He said that he trusted you and I to do what needs to be done should it come to it.
[So.......]
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[ Was that nosy? Maybe. ]
He's Viktor. [ That's not really helpful, Jayce. ]
IDid I never tell you what happened? [ Gods, Jayce is so frustrated with himself. ]He trusted us toI can't do it again, Cait. I can't.no subject
Everything happened so fast. You and I didn't have a moment of privacy, and to be frank, the look in your eyes was enough. You needn't give me the details unless you think it important I have them, Jayce.
[And yet Viktor returned, perhaps more dangerous than before. Viktor, his partner and friend. How did it come to this?]
I know. I would never ask it of you.
If there's a threat, I will deal with it myself.
[She's seen what hesitation can do. No more.]
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I know. [ Sometimes, he forgets how long he was gone, how quickly things fell apart once he got back. It's difficult to process. Truthfully, he... doesn't want to. ] I don't know if any of it is, but if you want to know anything, I can try to answer.
He's not a threat. [ That's a lie, even if he wishes it wasn't. But he trusts Viktor. ] I'll handle it. If it comes to that.
[ Jayce promised. ]
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[That, and it's probably not the most sunny of conversations. She knows this one is already difficult. She doesn't mean to hurt him, but they have to be in agreement in case things go south--and to be fair, that's just about the only direction things have gone lately.]
I don't wish to harm Viktor. He was a victim of that terrible day, just like mother.
You just told me you can't do it, Jayce. That's alright. Should the worst happen, whatever that looks like, I'll take point.
[Just don't hate her for it.]
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I know. [ He doesn't want to think about that day. ] I never really got to say that I was sorry, Cait. I know it's too late but I'm sorry. For what happened, and not being there for you after. [ He hadn't been able to force himself to leave Viktor, spent all his time just watching, waiting, to see if he would be okay. ]
I can't,
but ifhebut I have to. I promised, Cait.no subject
[She didn't expect an apology because she didn't need one. He was there, he'd seen her mother, he'd done what he thought was right in effort to save Viktor.
Jayce's attempts to comfort her would have probably made her weep, and she had to remain strong for her father. A brave face. She'd done a fairly good job of it in the beginning, and that's when the most eyes were upon her.]
Jayce, you needn't apologize to me. Not for that. I'm just glad that you didn't get hurt, too.
Then you take that up with Viktor. Speaking to him, he named us both. So you and I will both handle whatever problems we encounter regarding him. Together. Will you make that promise to me?
cw: death, suicidal ideation
[ That day was hard. Jayce remembers too much of it, remembers turning Cassandra's body over and trying to find a pulse. It's too much to fit inside his head. And the apology is just too little, but he doesn't know what else to do. He made a choice that day and he still stands by it. ]
Maybe, but I wasn't there for you, and I do regret that, Cait. But yeah, it was nothing I couldn't walk off. [ Jayce swallows what he wants to say, that he should have died that day, that sometimes he wonders if it would have been better if he had. It's not helpful. ]
I'll talk to him about it. I wish he'd said something to me before asking that of you, but yes. I can promise you that. We'll tackle whatever happens together.
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You can regret it all you want. You're forgiven. I wasn't alone and you made sure Viktor wasn't, either. You were needed more there.
Even if he hadn't said it, we'd still have this same conversation.
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I don'tI won't argue with you on that then. I'm glad you weren't alone, Cait.Fair enough. Yeah. Maybe I just wish we didn't have to have it at all.
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I know. I'm sorry, Jayce. I'm on your side.
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I know you are, Cait. It's just [ Jayce takes a long time to find the right word to say and the one he picks, isn't strong enough but it's what he settles on. ] hard. I don't want to believe it.
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It's not your fault. What happened to Viktor, and how he is now, and what's happened at home.
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It is. All of it is.
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[So there.]
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[And, you know, her mother.]
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Don't blame yourself for choosing not to do it.
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